We adopted a puppy, it cost us a friend. Or did it?

In the dawn of spring, a tale did unfold, Of friendship tested, a story untold. “We adopted a puppy,” our hearts cried aloud, But little did we know it soon would run afoul.

With wagging tail and eyes so bright, Our new companion brought sheer delight. Yet amid joy, a rift did arise, A friend departed, to our surprise.

Did the pup steal our comrade away? Or did it reveal what was astray? In fur and whimper, did truth reside, That perhaps our bond was all but a lie?

Through laughter and tears, we sought to find, The meaning behind, in heart and mind. For in the bark of this furry friend, A lesson learned of a friendship’s end.

So, though it cost us a friend, or did it now, In puppy’s gaze, a lessons light. For in the dance of life’s intricate blend, New beginnings sprout, and old wounds mend.

Citizen Vatch

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An odd experience I went through about 18 months ago to which I am still at a loss to fully comprehend but I will do my best to describe it honestly and clearly.

I normally would not write about something like this but this experience has given me the extra incentive and the gumption that I needed to finally start this publication of mine, a desire years in the making and for that I truly wish to thank this friend who unfortunately has become an ex-friend by his own choosing. This story is anonymous as I do not wish this person any ill will.

About 18 months ago this musician friend of mine was playing at a venue at which I also had an Astronomy gig scheduled only I was setting up outside while he played inside. Being the supportive friend my wife and I are we decided to show up early in order to patronize the business and our friend before my gig was to start just outside their doors an hour or so later. We brought along our family dog as we always do (only a year old at the time) as we enjoy taking her out almost as much as she enjoys going out with us.

Due to the crowded room the only seats available were up front and close to the stage. We sat on the only chairs available, high chairs with our dog standing and laying in front of us. I really didn’t pay much attention to our dog (Name withheld to keep this story anonymous) but I do recall her doing what she normally would do and that was to sniff out the smells around her. I do recall she was calm and non threatening to any patron or other dogs per her normal self. She is a very friendly dog and everything seemed normal to the both of us. Things might be a little blurry after being involved in an altercation but I believe I can honestly say that I did not catch on to the fact our dog was making our musician friend uncomfortable. I recall his blurting out my name while playing a song and I recall peering down to see our dog sniffing around his feet so I pulled on her leash to pull her back and I went back to being in the moment of enjoying the music with a glass of wine with my wife when suddenly this musician friend abruptly stop playing his music and exclaimed loudly “Get your F…ing dog away from me.” I was flabbergasted, I didn’t know how to react except to respond with an “are you kidding me?” to which his response was again angrily “No I’m not kidding.” It was there that I lost it a bit myself and responded with a “well F… you,” grabbed my wife’s hand and we walked out of the establishment. Not the most civil or appropriate response I would have liked to reply with but in an adversarial situation it was just automatic. I would have apologized for my bad response and I did try to but this man was not open to any conversation afterwards, even after 4 attempts and 18 months of time to reflect. I felt I was put into a situation of having to defending myself and our dog which to us is a family member and now in retrospect I think the reason I responded so aggressively is because as a father our dog is a family member and as we all know men protect their families and yet when I tried to communicate this and apologize for my side of it, it all fell on deaf ears.

To my credit I have tried 4 times to smooth things over with this man, the first time was an hour after it happened, the 2nd time was later that evening in text, then 4 months later on a chance meeting in public where I offered him a slice of birthday cake and finally after giving it 18 months I tagged him one last time in a text to see if he was still angry, and still nothing. There will be no future attempts as it is clear in him his anger has now turned into hatred and I don’t believe the brain once tasted (the hate emotion) can come back from hate. A personal philosophy of mine which this example I feel exemplifies.

The odd thing here is my wife and I (and probably his band mates also) did not see this exchange as a deal breaker of this caliber. It was a short one time blip in time for me and personally I was over it in about an hour but to this man he is forever angry over it. This is what I am at a loss to understand. If we were ever friends how could he get this angry when I was not.

After all this time it is apparent that this man was never as good a friend to me as I was to him so in my parting shot I would say to this man “I find that after the caliber of friend I have been to you, you are showing that you are a shallow man. I feel I was the caliber of a friend who helped you get ~$16,000 from the stimulus aid when you were having trouble doing so yourself. I was a caliber of friend who volunteered over 2 days of his time in physical labor to design and build you that decorative retaining wall in your back yard and yet treat me like this. I hope that every time you look at that retaining wall you recall the caliber of the man who built it for you and how you treated him in return.”

In hindsight it seems ever apparent now that his man has an unnatural fear of dogs. I feel he must have suffered a bad experience with a dog/s in his youth and he has never disclosed this fear to myself and most likely anyone else we mutually know. All my assurances that she is a good dog and that she does not bite or has bitten anyone was met with a “That’s what they all say.” At over 3 years of age now and with thousands of interactions in public she still has a clean record on this topic my friend. I don’t lie.

I write this letter anonymously as I know this man is a good person and I do not wish him any ill will. And although he has hurt me with such over the top anger, hatred and misinformation among his friends, I personally do not reciprocate the same which is a fact I would like our mutual friends and acquaintances to know with this truth.

In our family love is our guiding principle and now that it’s been over 18 months I only now feel comfortable writing about my story publicly, but still anonymously.

So did I really lose a friend or was he never really a friend to begin with?

*********************** Love trumps hate my friend and we still love you *************************